Holding Space Resources
for newly bereaved parents who have
lost a child to suicide
Please note that this page is constantly being edited in order to provide more content.
Words that are underlined have a link.
Support for The Bereaved
"If this is your first time here, you may find it darker, foggier, and more frightening than you expected. If you've been here before, you'll probably notice that things look different than you remember. That's the nature of this place. It's always changing, depending on who you're saying goodbye to."
-Eleanor Haley
Hone, Lucy. Resilient Grieving, Second Edition: How to Find Your Way Through Devastating Loss (Second Edition)
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“The experience of grief is powerful. So, too, is your ability to help yourself heal. In doing the work of grieving, you are moving toward a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in your life.”
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by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
"Perhaps the most isolating and frightening part of your grief journey is the sense of disorganization, confusion, searching and yearning that often comes with the loss. These feelings frequently arise when you begin to be confronted with the reality of the death. As one mourner told me, “I felt as if I were a lonely traveler with no companion and worse yet, no destination. I couldn’t find myself or anybody else.”
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by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.
by Iris Bolton
"For 20 years, I have been healing from the loss of my son to suicide. I learned to survive one day at a time. I’ve put this list together, from one parent to another, in the hope that it will be of some help to other parents who are just starting this journey. You will survive."
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By Marcia Gelman Resnick
by Helpline Center
A grief [Activator] is anything that brings up memories related to a loss. [Activator] may be obvious and easy to anticipate – like a birthday or a holiday – or they may be surprising – like spotting someone who looks like your loved one in a crowd. A grief trigger might tie to an obvious memory or emotion or it may be something that flashes into consciousness and merely leaves you with a sense of sadness and yearning.
How Others Can Support You
If you’re truly wanting to be helpful during these devastating times ask what the person needs . . . but I wouldn't ask the actual grieving person. More than likely he/she won’t know. They are so overwhelmed and foggy from grief, they have no idea what to tell you they need in that moment. There were so many people who told me, “please let me know if you need anything.” I would politely nod, try to file it away, but after a couple dozen of these gestures I easily forgot who had made the offer. Amazingly, I find myself stumbling through saying these very words when I try to comfort someone who’s experienced loss--"please let me know if there's anything I can do"--It’s easy to say, but not always helpful.
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from Nothing is Wasted
On meaning well: Too often, we add to the pain of grief accidentally.
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by Lubi Ma
Videos
Watching a friend or loved one grieve the loss of someone close to them because of suicide can feel overwhelming. Grief is experienced differently by every person, but there are ways you can help. Dr. Shashank Joshi is a professor of psychiatry, pediatrics, and education at Stanford, and Mary Ojakian is a suicide prevention advocate - in this video, they talk about ways to support a person grieving the loss of someone because of suicide.
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-Stanford Center for Health Education
Navigating the holidays
In a talk that's by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let's face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. "A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again," she says. "They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on."
Watching a friend or loved one grieve the loss of someone close to them because of suicide can feel overwhelming. Grief is experienced differently by every person, but there are ways you can help. Dr. Shashank Joshi is a professor of psychiatry, pediatrics, and education at Stanford, and Mary Ojakian is a suicide prevention advocate - in this video, they talk about ways to support a person grieving the loss of someone because of suicide.
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-Stanford Center for Health Education
After suppressing grief for decades, Anderson reached out earlier this year to psychotherapist and author Francis Weller to ask for help. In this very personal conversation Anderson reveals some of what he’s learned about the strategies he developed as a child to shield himself from grief and why those strategies are now working against him.
Books
"The short, poignant meditations given here follow the course of the year, but it is not a necessity to follow them chronologically. They will strengthen, inspire, and give comfort for as long as they are needed."
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by Martha Whitmore Hickman
The After Journey is a short guide for all those who lost a loved one to suicide along with a chapter for those who are supporting survivors. Written by Jenny and Harry Bruell seven years after losing their daughter to suicide, the After Journey provides a mix of personal stories with a compassionate and objective look at nine aspects of the After Journey.
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by Harry and Jenny Bruell
The Wild Edge of Sorrow explains that grief has always been communal and illustrates how we need the healing touch of
others, an atmosphere of compassion, and the comfort of ritual in order to fully metabolize our grief. Weller describes how we often hide our pain from the world, wrapping it in a secret mantle of shame. This causes sorrow to linger unexpressed in our bodies, weighing us down and pulling us into the territory of depression and death. We have come to fear grief and feel too alone to face an encounter with the powerful energies of sorrow.
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by Francis Weller
When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. “Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form,” says Megan Devine. “It is a natural and sane response to loss.”
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by Megan Devine
"If you’ve experienced the trauma of loss, you might find yourself struggling with the “whys” of grief: Why can’t I remember anything? Why can’t I sleep? Why do I feel angry and isolated? Why do I suddenly dislike my friends? Psychotherapist and grief specialist Meghan Riordan Jarvis shares a research-based resource filled with clinical insights to these questions and more, along with practical steps for navigating loss. “Though each experience is unique, we all grieve in our bodies,” says Meghan. “By recognizing grief as a kind of trauma, we better understand why our mind and body respond in sometimes perplexing ways to loss.”
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by Meghan Riordan Jarvis
After a significant loss, grief is an everyday experience. Bit by bit, these one-page-a-day readings will help you feel supported and muster the courage and hope you need to make it through the day.
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by Dr. Alan Wolfelt
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Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life.
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by Kristin Neff
Podcasts
"As a mom who lost a child by suicide myself, I have become increasingly aware that while we moms definitely have some different needs we do seem to share 3 common ones. We need:
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Resources - at the time of loss & beyond to help us find all of the places for help, healing & information
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Community - a place to connect, grieve & grow with other moms who understand our loss (& by proxy, understand us)
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Legacy - the need to find ways to ensure our child is remembered, that their life mattered."
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The leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations
In 2022, Prolonged Grief Disorder was added to the DSM-V. A new mental health disorder tied to grief ruffled a lot of feathers, including Nora’s. She talked about it on TTFA (including skepticism around this diagnosis) and you all shared your thoughts on this news as well.
This episode is a very cool follow up because we get to learn more about this disorder from one of the doctors who created the diagnosis. Nora interviews Dr. Katherine Shear from Columbia University’s Center for Prolonged Grief about the difference between grief and prolonged grief, the treatment plan she and her team developed, and how American culture is still *so* bad at grieving.
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TERRIBLE, Thanks for Asking
"Grief is intensely personal and sometimes it’s intensely private. When Anne Moss Roger's son Charles died of suicide, she decided to go public with her grief and the story of his life. Inspired by her son’s innate skill for connecting with others, she’s now dedicated to helping people who are struggling with grief, suicidal thoughts, and substance use."
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-Dougy Center
What is grief doing to my body? In the wake of suicide loss, every single part of our being is affected. We mourn the intense loss of our loved one to suicide and that trauma causes our bodies to react in sometimes ferocious ways. From numbness, tingling and paralysis to brain fog, forgetfulness and lack of interest, in Episode 14 we discuss the physical toll that grief takes on our bodies.
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Totally Got Out of Bed
The Wild Edge of Sorrow explains that grief has always been communal and illustrates how we need the healing touch of
others, an atmosphere of compassion, and the comfort of ritual in order to fully metabolize our grief. Weller describes how we often hide our pain from the world, wrapping it in a secret mantle of shame. This causes sorrow to linger unexpressed in our bodies, weighing us down and pulling us into the territory of depression and death. We have come to fear grief and feel too alone to face an encounter with the powerful energies of sorrow.
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By Francis Weller