Holding Space Resources
for newly bereaved parents who have
lost a child to suicide
Please note that this page is constantly being edited in order to provide more content.
Words that are underlined have a link.
Support for The Bereaved
"If this is your first time here, you may find it darker, foggier, and more frightening than you expected. If you've been here before, you'll probably notice that things look different than you remember. That's the nature of this place. It's always changing, depending on who you're saying goodbye to."
-Eleanor Haley
by Lucy Hones
"Perhaps the most isolating and frightening part of your grief journey is the sense of disorganization, confusion, searching and yearning that often comes with the loss. These feelings frequently arise when you begin to be confronted with the reality of the death. As one mourner told me, “I felt as if I were a lonely traveler with no companion and worse yet, no destination. I couldn’t find myself or anybody else.”
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by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.
by Iris Bolton
by Helpline Center
A grief [Activator] is anything that brings up memories related to a loss. [Activator] may be obvious and easy to anticipate – like a birthday or a holiday – or they may be surprising – like spotting someone who looks like your loved one in a crowd. A grief trigger might tie to an obvious memory or emotion or it may be something that flashes into consciousness and merely leaves you with a sense of sadness and yearning.
How Others Can Support You
What Grieving Friends Wish You'd Say
On meaning well: Too often, we add to the pain of grief accidentally.
-Pamela Cytrynbaum
"Historian Arnold Toynbee once wrote, “There are always two parties to a death: the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved.” Unfortunately, many survivors of suicide su!er alone and in silence. The silence that surrounds them often complicates the healing that comes from being encouraged to mourn.
by Alan D. Wolfelt, PH.D.
A child has died. As a person wishing to give support, regardless of the child’s age or the circumstances of their death, you may feel helpless or inadequate and not know what to say or do. You may wonder how you can help ease the pain and mend the hurt.
The following suggestions are intended to guide you to comfortably extend yourself to suicide bereaved without concern that you might do or say the wrong thing. The worst that can happen, already has! You can’t fix it, but you can comfort. The bereaved family benefits greatly from the consoling balm of love and shared sorrow from caring friends.
by LaRita Archibald
What Grieving Friends Wish You'd Say
When a friend loses a loved one through death, we struggle to know what to do. We want to say the right thing, and
hope that in so doing, we will be able to “take the pain away.” However, that’s not reality with grief. There are no
“right words,” and the pain cannot “go away.” People must experience and travel through grief, which is a difficult
journey for both the grieving person and his or her friends who watch.
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Videos
What is the best way to ease someone's pain and suffering? In this beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr Brené Brown reminds us that we can only create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get in touch with our own fragilities.
When you lose someone to suicide, everything can feel different. Even (and maybe especially) traditions and customs you’ve learned to look forward to can feel strange and “not right” without your loved one. During the holidays, this means figuring out what kind of “new normal” works for you. Maybe you relish in these old traditions because they remind you of your loved one. Maybe doing classic holiday activities without them feels like too much, and you’d rather do something different — or not do anything at all.
However you’re choosing to spend the holidays this year after losing someone to suicide, we want you to know there is no wrong way to grieve. To get some insight from people who’ve been there, we asked people in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s community to share one message or piece of advice they would tell someone who’s spending the holidays without their loved ones.
Phil Cohen grips the TEDx audience as he describes the life-altering experience of losing his only child, his fourteen-year-old son, Perry. In what turned out to be one of the most extensive searches in U.S. Coast Guard history. In his search for healing, Phil tells how a message from his late son, delivered in his darkest moments, caused him to shift his perspective, transforming his relationship with grief. In this talk, he shares the one thing missing from his counseling sessions, a strategy that has helped him cope with the unthinkable. Cohen is the author of The Grief Continuum, a methodology for transforming loss into empowerment for those experiencing grief. Phil Cohen is an award-winning speaker, coach, and creator of The Grief Continuum™, a framework for helping others to grow, flourish and overcome despair by discovering and developing their inner resilience. For over 25 years, Phil has helped global technology start-ups grow and prosper through developing their sales teams. After experiencing the sudden loss of his son, Phil has found a renewed purpose in helping others to integrate grief into their own lives after experiencing the inevitable traumas, tragedies, and transitions in life. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community.
"Grief is a painful process for everyone but suicide grief is particularly excruciating. Those who are bereaved by suicide thirst for knowledge in an attempt to find some meaning out of the devastation suicide leaves in its wake. Families and friends struggle with feelings of isolation, rejection and guilt. Those bereaved are tormented with the endless questions of "why" and "if only" that surround their loved one's death. Their lives of the loved ones left behind are forever and irrevocably changed."
-Lifeline Australia
by Lewis Psychology
Elaine Alpert Voices of Healing and Hope
During the writing of Voices of Healing and Hope: Conversations on Grief after Suicide, Iris Bolton interviewed over 25 suicide loss survivors. The book and the DVD which comes with it highlight the stories of a diverse population as they share how they dealt with eight of the most difficult aspects of grief: Why?, Guilt, Shame/Stigma, Anger, Pain, Fear, Depression, and Faith Questions. The courageous conversations of the interviewees can help others dealing with grief to find the promise of resilience in their own lives.
This video with Dr. Alan Wolfelt explores the important topic of allowing yourself to be vulnerable during the holiday season.
Books
"The short, poignant meditations given here follow the course of the year, but it is not a necessity to follow them chronologically. They will strengthen, inspire, and give comfort for as long as they are needed."
by Martha Whitmore Hickman
The After Journey: A survivor’s guide after the death of a loved one by suicide
The After Journey is a short guide for all those who lost a loved one to suicide along with a chapter for those who are supporting survivors. Written by Jenny and Harry Bruell seven years after losing their daughter to suicide, the After Journey provides a mix of personal stories with a compassionate and objective look at nine aspects of the After Journey.
When a painful loss or life-shattering event upends your world, here is the first thing to know: there is nothing wrong with grief. “Grief is simply love in its most wild and painful form,” says Megan Devine. “It is a natural and sane response to loss.”
More to come
More to come
After a significant loss, grief is an everyday experience. Bit by bit, these one-page-a-day readings will help you feel supported and muster the courage and hope you need to make it through the day.
More to come
More to come